I am nursing now. Less for the purpose of nutrition and more so he can become reaccustomed to latching on and suckling. As for nutrition he has been getting pumped milk via feeding tube. That being said I have been pretty scheduled because the more e nurses now the sooner he gets out his tube. I am all for less tubes in the body! You should have seen my face when I walked into the unit tonight to find Jake sipping on a bottle! Once she saw me, and I think saw how upset I was, she removed the bottle and let me breastfeed. (Except that he ha already ha a full bottle!!!) It took everything I had to not start balling when he didn't latch on. This whole time I was missing that time with him, and all I could see was the lost opportunity to breastfeed my son. God created a wonderful experience though Brest feeding. It is time I have always cherished with my children. When I saw that bottle and struggled for suction I could feel those precious moments slipping through my fingers on account of a dumb nurse who is new to pediatrics. I know I should give her a break, but how dare she jeopardize something as important as that. (I think she now knows I don't want that, but a part of me now doesn't trust her.)
Since then I have been able to breastfeed him, but it is different. It is more difficult. I keep telling myself he will come back from it. It was only once. So the next feeding was half of what it normally is. So many people bottle feed and they are just as close with their babies. Maybe he is just gassy? But holding him and seeing his struggle to not only attach, but remain attached long enough to fill his tummy is difficult. I am going to continue. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But anyone who has experienced the joys of nursing can attest to the beautiful connection it establishes with a child to his mother.
In the end I know it will all be fine and work out according to God's plan for Jake. Truth of the matter is, if a bottle and a scare are the only chronic issues after all that we have been through I have nothing to complain about! I am still so blessed!
If anyone has any ideas for me I welcome them. This is a new experience for me. Above all I want to take advantage of this opportunity.
(I think the comments are working now!?)
It is rough. That was definitely one of the hardest things when Neal was in the hospital. I was so stressed that it was so difficult to nurse him again. And we were so ready to get out of there. I called home and only my dad was home. But he gave me the best advice ever. He told me that he would get hungry and that he would eat and to not worry about it. I stopped trying to get him to eat every few hours and waited. It was so hard and I felt so stressed because the nurses would ask if I had nursed him yet. But 6 hours later he finally ate and I never again had a problem with him nursing. And we went home! It was grand. But it is so hard for them to get that strength to nurse after they've been tube feed for a while. It seems so stressful but time will help and he will get it. You are doing so well. I can't wait for you to be taking that baby boy home. You guys are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kristen, Cyndie. Just be patient...it will happen. I haven't experienced anything like what you have been, but my new babies always seem to take a few weeks to "get it". Many times I thought something was wrong with me, but I just think babies need time. Whatever you do, don't give up on breastfeeding- it is the best thing you can do for Jake. I also agree 100% with everything you said...you are much nicer than me- I think I would have let that nurse have it, new or not!!! You're a wonderful Mom- try not to stress about it...it WILL happen! :)
ReplyDelete