A Silent Cry

Through this Jake has been pretty drugged up. Even when he is awake with his eyes wide open. Because of this I've been able to tell myself it's ok, because at least he's not in pain. Until today. 

My heart broke as I saw him lying there. He looked up at me with pain in his face and began to cry in silence. His face turned red, his eyes and nose scrunched up, and he looked as if to be gasping for air. His poor legs kicked. His ventilator has sunk down in to his throat, and he was metabolizing the pain meds too quickly.

All I wanted to do was pick him up, rub his back, and give him a kiss. Instead I could only touch his forehead and tell him it would be ok. It felt like a lie. I knew it wasn't getting much better fast, but it was the only comfort I could offer him as he lay there helpless on the bed. 

Since then his breathing tube has been readjusted and his pain meds raised. Now he is sleeping.